O’Reilly’s Pub: “The Pepper Burger”

That’s right burger heads, two posts in one week!

ATTENDEES:

The Columbus Burger Bum, Pickley Pete, Kaiser Permente, The Anit-Burgite, Lame Jeremy aka “Special Sauce” aka the “Hoth snow monster” aka “Seasonal GT”

PREFACE:

The night before I had this particular burger, I had a dream.  In it, I was middle aged and slept in my wrangler jeans.  Still dreaming, I wake up at 5 am and head to work on a road crew, jack hammering concrete in the morning, steam rolling asphalt in the afternoon, and smoking Camels in between.  When the steam horn blew at 4:00 PM I hopped in my Ford Ranger, cranked up ACDC’s “Highway to Hell” and headed to my favorite watering whole for a burger and a beer….or two…or three depending on who I ran into and what kind of stories we would be trading off.  Sadly, I awoke before I got there.

The next day, awake and sitting at the computer, I emailed the boys to let them know that tonight we were headed to O’Reilly’s Pub in Clintonville.  “Time to finish up that there dream,” I said.

BURGER:

When it comes to the Pepper Burger, the bottom line is this:  If you’re a man, and you like doing man things, then you’ll like this burger.  This “manwich” if you will, is a half pound of beef cooked in a healthy portion of black pepper.  Accompanying this patty and adding to the smoky flavor of the sandwich is both bacon and provolone cheese.  Served with a side of sweet potato fries and a cheap beer, this meal was enough to put you out of commission for a STYX song or two (which DID play on the classic, non-digital jukebox).

For starters, as soon as I sat down in the undersized, beat-up booth, caught a hint of pre-ban smoke smell, and looked at the list of simple yet satisfying beers, I decided to leave extravagance and complexity in my car.  I ordered a Miller Lite and got into “kick-back mode".  I had a menu in front of me, but based on what I’ve heard, the choice was easy.  For as long as I’ve been in Columbus I’ve heard mention of O’Reilly’s Pepper Burger and that is what I was going to have.

The sweet potato fries were fairly good, though came piled not-so high.  However, the special sauce hit hard.  Very spicy and full of flavor.  And maybe it was good that the fires were a smaller proportion because it left much needed room for the burger.

And the burger!  Fantastic.  The patty was a succulent hunk of beef trapped within a black pepper crust, crackling with heat and zest and delivering the perfect post 9 to 5 kick at the end of a long day.  The downside was that the black pepper was so potent that it took away from some of the succulent meat flavor that immediately followed.  But wait; I’m going to reverse the downside into an upside and tell you that in between bites I was uncovering hints of crisp hickory bacon and cool, smoky provolone cheese, a superb combination that has been unequaled to this point of my hunt.   As stated above, this burger is NOT for the faint of heart.  To quote Mugatu (sort of), The Pepper Burger….”So hot right now”.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion: 1

Flavor: 1

Meat: 1

Secondary Ingredients: 0

Bun: 0

Fries: 0

TOTAL: 3

ATMOSPHERE:

In a small bowl combine 2 parts Cheers, from the television show “Cheers”, 2 parts dive bar from the original “Rocky” and 3 parts truck stop diner.  Let stand for 20 minutes.  Whisk in 2 tsp. old fashion tools to adorn the walls, 3 Tbs. classic rock on an old school jukebox and 1 whole cigarette dispenser.  Cook at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes, or until awesome.  Serve with exceptionally friendly waitresses and enjoy!

ADD CO.’s (additional comments):

This was my favorite burger night yet.  Please check out O’Reilly’s Pub!

Barley's Brewing Company: "The Bob Barley"

ATTENDEES:

The Columbus Burger Bum, Pickley Pete, Lame Jeremy

PREFACE:

“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we’ve no place to go”… let’s go get a burger and a beer.

BURGER:

Few things fend off the frigid cold weather of the Midwest like comfort food (besides maybe a first class ticket to Southern California or a job in a green house).  On this particular night, I decided to venture out to one of Columbus’ best breweries, one which is recommended by both beer and burger connoisseurs a like – Barley’s Brewery Co.

A quick note for those of you who accidentally stumbled upon my blog because you were doing research on poverty statistics in the capital city and are annoyed because you're also infected with a disease that prevents you from eating red meat; Barley’s makes some GREAT beer.  My beer of choice this evening was their Scottish Ale.  It has a medium body, a maple and caramel flavor, and is very easy to drink.  There's also a lack of alcohol presence, which could mean trouble when drinking a beer with an 8% ABV.

So, the burger.  I gave it a 4.   See you next week!

Alright, so I’m not that cruel.   The burger was great.  If it were a car it would have a license plate that read Hot N Swt and sesame seed racing strips along both sides.  The driver would be the Jamaican relish, the radio would be controlled by the fresh pepper jack cheese riding shot gun, and the back seat would be jam packed with loud, crispy onion straws.  These combinations came together perfectly to compliment the flavor of the meat.  Though, I must add, that after seriously discussing the meat content with Pickley Pete, we think the patties may have been frozen (like fast food frozen) beforehand.  I mean, the flavor was still superb, though the meat was cooked slightly longer than I’d prefer, it just had a texture to it that hinted at “prefreeze”.

Topping off the unique blend of ingredients were your traditional pieces of lettuce and tomato and all were sandwiched between (as used in the metaphor above) a sesame seed bun that was both firm and crisp and had obviously been thrown on the grill while the burger cooked, something that all chefs should be doing, in my opinion.

All in all, the burger delivered both the rush required to warm the bones on a cold winter’s day and the satisfaction to crave a sweat tooth still lingering from the holidays.

And the fries, you ask?????  Perfect.  Nothing special or crazy or out of this world.  Just perfectly fried with a perfect thickness.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion:  1

Flavor: 1

Ground Beef: 0

Bun: 1

Secondary Ingredients: 0

Fries:   1

TOTAL:  4

ATMOSPHERE:

What can I say?  It was a brewery with a warm atmosphere and friendly staff.

ADD COs:

You can buy growlers of beer.  For those of you who don’t know, and I didn’t either, a growler is basically a bottled beer to go.  They come in different sizes, but I believe the growler that Barley’s offers are about a half gallon and yes, you can fill it with any of there brews.

Blue Danube: "The Danube Melt"

ATTENDEES:

Columbus Burger Bum, Sassy Slaw, "Mayor of Grandview" (not really), Cousin Slider

PREFACE:

Gene Simmons once sang "I want to rock 'n' roll all night, and party everyday".  What he failed to mention was where he would go prior to rocking and rolling if he wanted a burger.  Well metal-heads, the Blue Danube is just that place.

BURGER:

One of the best things about hamburgers is that price usually has no bearing on whether you think it is great or not.  You can spend three Washingtons on a patty and bun and fall in love with the sandwich immediately, or you could drop a Jackson on a masterpiece with all of the fix-ins and wish you'd gone to White Castle instead.  The gems could be literally anywhere.  Unfortunately for me, I didn't find one at the Blue Danube.

Because of the old-school, rock 'n' roll, diner-type atmosphere of Blue Danube, I felt it only necessary to go with a diner-type sandwich.  Everyone likes a good old fashioned melt, especially during these frigged winter months.  And what's more, it comes with not one, but two sides.  Fries were choice numero uno, of course, but my second?  Ok, this is hard for me to admit, but I'm just going to throw it out there.  I LOVE, and I mean LOVE, cottage cheese.  And if you're serving it, I'm eating it.  Couple that with fries and a burger and I'm in clogged artery heaven!  I'm even thinking about creating a new blog dedicated to discussing the pros and cons of both large curd and small curd cottage cheese.  I'll have to run it by my agent to see what he thinks of the idea. But, I digress.

Back to the burg.  This sandwich definitely fit into the price range in which it sat...cheap.  The patty was barely there, the flavor was dominated by the rye bread in which it sat, the swiss was minimal, and the secondary ingredients were secondary to their own category.  The best part was the thousand island dressing that they put on the side.  A tip of the hat to one of the better melts man has conceived, the Reuben.

This sandwich also had fried onions.  A lot of them.  It was almost an onion sandwich topped with meat.  Very overpowering.  And because of the squared slices of rye bread and the rounded patties, by the time I got to the corner of each half I was just eating "onions on rye"

And the fries were fries, as per usual.  Just like the high school cafeteria....seemingly good because the sandwich isn't too great.  Oh, but even better if dipped in mayo.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion: -1
Flavor: 0
Ground Beef:0
Bun:0
Secondary Ingredients:-1
Fries: 0
TOTAL:-2
 

ATMOSPHERE:

I  would love to blog about the atmosphere's of these bars and restaurants because of places like this.  It was great.  The way I envision it looking 30 years ago.  Old-timey booths, a sticky, faded wood floor, and a ceiling adorned with individually painted ceiling tiles are a perfect setting for rockers of all genres, be that punk, indie, metal or new wave.  And what's more, the classic jukebox played GREAT rock music.  Not one song disappointed.  Oh, and did I mention cheap beer?  You put all of these together, and you'd want nothing more than to sit around with your friends talking about crazy adventures of the years passed and toasting to anything you could think of.

ADD COs:

We went to Blue Danube prior to the Broken Bells concert and it was the perfect start to a rockin' good night.  If you plan on pulling out your old "Frogstomp" t-shirt, only have a 10 spot in your wallet, and just want to chill out, then this is the place to go.  But maybe stop for a burger before hand.

Ringside Cafe: "Smokin' Joe" BBQ Bacon Burger

ATTENDEES:

Columbus Burger Bum, Pickley Pete

PREFACE:

Ding Ding...In this corner, trained by one of Columbus' oldest bars, weighing in at a whopping 1/2 pound of 100% Angus beef, one of the tangiest and most juicy fighters on today's burger circuit...the "Smokin' Joe"!  In the other corner...me.

BURGER:

Crafted through years of burger making tradition and just recently renovated during Ringside's 2008 turn-around season, the "Smokin' Joe", as well as the other burgers on the menu, is an old school-type burger focused on serving up some good old fashion beef garnished with the other ingredients.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, you'll know that proportion plays a major roll in defining the taste of a burger.  Unfortunately for this south paw burger, it's got a body fat percentage of 95.  Mucho carne!  Now, despite how it sounds, I'm not complaining.  I just have to stick to the proper judging.  The meat itself was tender, moist, and oh-so delicious.  Cooked to perfection with a thin layer of char, this patty could KO any other that stands in it's way.    However, the sandwich was lacking in the other necessary ingredients.  The  cheddar cheese barely seemed present, the bacon only popped it's head out once in a while to see how the fight was going, and there was just enough hickory BBQ sauce to give the burger it's last name.  I should say though that the Kaiser bun was excellent.  Fresh and perfectly proportioned, it was an appropriate ring for such an admirable fighter.

To continue with the over abundant boxing metaphors, let me say that the fries seemed like they had been overworked in practice that afternoon and had just stepped out of the showers (weak and wet).  OK, that was a little harsh.  They weren't too bad.  House cut and good flavor....just a little "mushy".

RUN DOWN:

Proportion: -1

Flavor: 0

Ground Beef: 1

Bun: 1

Secondary Ingredients: 0

Fries: 0

TOTAL: 1

ATMOSPHERE:

Awesome.  If you have never been to the Ringside Cafe, I recommend it.  As previously mentioned, it is one of Columbus' oldest bars and really exudes a comfort and warmness that only the alcohol-based comradery of yesterday's bars can provide.  You may be hesitant to continue while walking down Pearl Alley, but once you open the doors, you'll get a sense of welcome that only Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin could extend.

ADD COs:

Pickley Pete would like to stress that the size of the burger is wonderful and that you should not be deterred from trying any of them based on our proportion and secondary ingredient scores.  Also, for those of you keeping track, Ringside does have Great Lakes Christmas Ale...for now.  Add that to any burger and you've just upped the score.

Old Bag of Nails: "The Pauli Burger"

ATTENDEES:

Columbus Burger Bum, Chunk, the "Mayor of Grandview"(not really), Sassy Slaw, Dr. Feelgood, and Kid Rock.

PREFACE:

For those of you that are Cleveland born and raised, like myself, do you remember the Roman Burger at Mr. Heroes?  It's like that, but better.

BURGER:

To start, let me just say that the best part of this burger is that it is on a hoagie and the meat is formed into an elongated patty that fits nicely on the bun.  The result: burger+Italian sub=tasty delicious.  Unfortunately for the burger, the Italian takes over.  This SANDWICH had all of the right things going on, for an Italian sub.  The savory salami, freshly sliced provolone cheese, banana peppers and Italian dressing were compiled in such a way that it was as though Michelangelo himself prepared it.  Add the tomatoes and lettuce and you have a true Italian masterpiece.  Ah, but then, the ground beef.  I'll be honest, I felt as though "the Italian" and I were getting along just fine and the ground beef was sitting in the corner, watching.  It shouldn't have even been on the SANDWICH.  To add to the debacle, the beef itself was just too greasy.  I questioned whether it was actually the beef or if the dressing was making it seem that way, but my buddy Chunk, whose birthday is June 19th, assured me that this hunk of beef was definitely "a grease ball".

Additionally, the hoagie bun was somewhat of a letdown.  It was crispy, which can be good if prepared correctly, but this one was just too dry.

Lastly, the fries were dry and flavorless.  Not to be harsh, but White Castle (which I will be visiting eventually, so be prepared fellow burger hunters) has better fries.

All in all, I liked the SANDWICH a lot, but because of the meat (and fries) and because this is to be judged as a burger, I'm going to have to say that I was a bit disappointed.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion: 0

Flavor: 1

Ground Beef: -1

Buns: 0

Secondary Ingredients: 0

Fries: -1

TOTAL: -1

ATMOSPHERE:

Old Bag of Nails isn't a secret.  Everyone who goes there is always satisfied.  It's a good food, good friends type place and we all know this. 

ADD COs:

Dr. Feelgood had the Blackened Cajun Burger and the "Mayor of Grandview" (not really)* had the Gaylord.  Both were a bit happier with their decisions than I was, so if you make a trip to O.B.O.N. in the near future, maybe give one of those a try.

*It should be noted that the "Mayor of Grandview"(not really) has the opinion that "hoagies blow", so I'm reluctant to pass on any recommendation that he/she might have.

Club 185: "The Charles"

PREFACE:

So I know that in my last post I said that I was going to be trying the "Double 185", one of Columbus' already well-known burgers, however, after I sat down and examined the relatively small burger list, I couldn't help but go with "The Charles".  Let's just say I could never turn down a burger that would satisfy any breakfast, lunch, or dinner craving I might have.  However, I wish I had...



Sorry for the blur, it was pretty dark!



BURGER:

This sandwich is not just your typical burger containing american cheese, lettuce, onions, and tomato, but sitting atop the McDonald's style meat (yes, about as thin as cheese itself) was an egg.  Additionaly, the chefs at Club 185 spiced things up a bit by placing the ingredients between two pieces of Texas toast.  And who doesn't love Texas toast??

I'll start with the meat.  As many of you know, I always order my burger to a medium grade.  When I did so, the waitress replied in a pleasing whisper "they're always cooked medium." 

FALSE.  Not one of our burgers (mine, Pickley Pete's, Kaiser Permente's, or Colonel Yellow Mustard's - a new friend we happened to pick up upon arriving at the bar) were.  As previously mentioned, and as pointed out by Kaiser P., these burgers were no more than glorified fast food quality burgers.  The meat was lacking in size, flavor and tendernous.  We were all quite disappointed.  In addition, though the proportion seemed visually there, I could scarcely taste the egg and was overwhelmed by the onion.

Lastly, the Texas toast left me wanting something more.  In it's defense, I was probably expecting too much out of it to begin with.  With that being said, it was immensely thick and somewhat flavorless.  Is a bit of brushed on butter too much to ask?

Oh, and the fries were just fries.  Nothing more, nothing less.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion:  -1

Flavor:  0

Ground Beef:  -1

Buns:  0

Secondary Ingredients:  0

Fries:  0

TOTAL:  -2

ATMOSPHERE OF RESTAURANT:

I have to say that I love Club 185.  The atmosphere is very inviting and quite comfortable.  It has a nice middle ground feeling between contemporary club and traditional cafe/bar.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

The price was very reasonable, but I guess you get what you pay for.  I should also mention that Pickley Pete and Kaiser Permente both ordered the double burgers, only to get singles.  The waitress was kind enough to allow them to eat the singles and bring them each two new double burgers that they could take home (or also eat, if their testosterone should happen to kick into full gear).  But once again, they too were single burgers!  Two fumbles on one play?  No good.

Next Stop - "Old Bag of Nails: "The Pauli Burger"

Park Creek Kitchen - The House Burger

PREFACE:

Alright, so I hit up Park Creek Kitchen in Upper Arlington.  Have any of you even heard of this place??  It’s a small place, tucked away on Arlington Rd. in one of the richer parts of U.A.  There, you can find it in a quaint little retail building.  My always trustworthy sidekick, Pickley Pete, accidentally came across the menu on line.  It looked like a classier menu, not the type of menu to boost of greasy, overstuffed hamburgers, however, they had four of them.  And one of them, The House Burger, specifically caught my eye.  Why, you ask?  Try fried pickles.

On

The

Burger

I kid you not!  So Pickley Pete, our inexperienced colleague, Kaiser Permente and I set out to find this mysterious restaurant and the fried pickle topped meat-wich that it withheld…..

BURGER:

It was a cold and rainy night and something in the air screamed of mystic wonder.  Alright, just kidding.  Down to business.  “The House Burger” is a half pound of the finest meat I have ever tasted topped with hickory bacon, blue cheese, fried pickles, mixed green lettuce and a tomato.  It comes with either a salad or root vegetable fries.  Root Vegetable Fries:  A mix of potato, sweet potato, celery root, and parsnip fries tossed in sea salt and rosemary.  Simply put – AMAZING!  I’m your typical fries first, burger second type guy, but with these two masterpieces, I had the burger in my right and fries in my left and was alternating between each bite.  And it was one of those meals that I ate as fast as I could incase I should die right then and there.  Yeah, it was that good.

The burger was perfectly proportionate and cooked to an unprecedented medium grade.  Gently stacked between a fresh Kaiser roll, all the flavors fused together creating a sensation I have never felt, well, while eating.  One minute your tasting the spices of the tender meat, the next the smokiness of the bacon, followed closely by a fresh hint of tomato, and then the dill mixed with fried breading, and then concluding with a flash flood the richest  blue cheese this tongue has ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I mean, it must have bought stock in Google at the turn of the millennium.

I know I know, this is my second review and already I am talking up this burger like it was hand crafted by the burger God himself.  But I have to say, this was one of, if not the, best burger I have ever had.  That’s it.  It just was.  And because I keep picturing Robin Leach showing us this Burger’s house, I’m giving this instant classic a mammoth 5.  Go get one, now.

RUN DOWN:

Proportion: 1

Flavor: 1

Ground Beef: 1

Buns: 0

Secondary Ingredients: 1

Fries: 1

ATMOSPHERE OF RESTAURANT

Small, but kind of uncomfortable.  The lighting was that of a doctor’s office, and the furniture was trying to be too modern eclectic in a setting that demanded contemporary comfort.  Though once you start eating the burger, it won’t matter where you are.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

“The House Burger” with fries costs….hold on to your butts…$14.  Worth it????  You be the judge. 

Pickley Pete called this Burger “Legen…wait for it…dary!”

Kaiser Permente blacked out when he finished and came to 3 days later mumbling something about “hope for all” mixed with “I want another”.

Next stop:  Club 185 – ‘Double 185 with bacon and cheese’