Category 1: Proportion – 3 parts ‘A’, 2 parts ‘B’, 1 part ‘C’ and all parts D-licious
It can be argued that the most important aspect of a burger is the juxtaposition of all of the ingredients within the burger. To achieve the ultimate flavor explosion, all key ingredients must be represented in precise quantities. Too much or two little of any single ingredient can catastrophically effect the outcome of the taste of the burger. But if stacked just right: BHB (Burger Heaven Baby)!
Category 2: Overall Flavor – “Pow, right in the kisser”
Every burger has its own identity. For us true connoisseurs, burgers are like fine wines. There are literally trillions of flavors. Yes, literally. If Joe Di Rossi orders a Cabernet and finds it to be lacking in tannins and in oak flavor, is he going to be happy (Ref. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabernet_Sauvignon)? From what I read, no. When I order a Black and Blue Burger, I want the skin of the beef to crackle when I bite into it. I want to be hit with a Cajun-based punch to the face. And then, I want to immediately feel the cool sensations brought upon by the blue cheese. The addition of bacon wouldn’t hurt either.
Category 3: Ground Beef – “It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.”
Now, I realize that many of you have a particular way in which you like your burger cooked, and that adds to the affect the burger has an the individual. I prefer mine cooked to a medium grade, therefore I will be judging based partially on the “mediumness” of the patty. The way in which the burger is cooked plays an important role as well. Is it broiled, grilled, fried, etc? Other adjectives to keep in mind: tender, juicy, savory, succulent, and finger licking good.
Category 4: Check out the Buns on that Burger!
Few realize the roll that the buns play in any sandwich. A burger is no exception. It all comes down to three questions. How abundant is the bun? What is the quality of the bun? And last but certainly not least, what kind of bun? Many signature burger joints spice up their burger by straying away from the typical hamburger buns. Additionally, you always want enough “fluff” in your buns so that they can absorb some of the juices from the burger and other ingredients.
Category 5: Secondary ingredients – A quarterback ain’t nothing without his linemen.
While it is true that the definition of a hamburger is “a cake of minced meat served on a bun”, it is also true that the additional ingredients of a burger give it its flair. What would David Bowie be without the glam? We can start by pointing out the obvious: veggies must be crisp and fresh, cheese must radiate a specific flavor, mushrooms must be delicate and moist, and sauces must be accompany, but not overbear. We’ll have to deal with other ingredients on a case by case basis. The point is these ingredients must bring their “A” game if the burger hopes to clime to the top.
Category 6: Fries – Batman’s Robin, minus the gay
No burger is complete without this trusty sidekick. Period.
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